This is not a breakup

There’s a theme that surprises me every time I see it. When a person changes jobs, their old manager often decides to excommunicate them. Given how common it is to have more than one career, this adds up to a lot of professional hate. But, why are we treating job changes as a breakup?

Earlier in my career, an employee came to me. This person presented a case to give them a promotion and a raise. And, they weren’t wrong. They were doing a great job. They deserved more money. Unfortunately, giving a raise isn’t always possible. I was honest with the person that a raise wasn’t in the cards right now. I shared that if they need to make more, I would support them in a job search. I would be a reference. And, I committed to not holding a grudge. Although the person was disappointed, they were also relieved. They were allowed to pursue their own needs without the fear of rejection or retaliation.

When employees seek new employment, it can be because they hate their manager. But, there are a number of other reasons someone may also want to leave a job. I once left a job to go back to graduate school. I once left a job because a promotion became available at another company, and there was no opportunity to grow at my old company. I once left a job when the company decided to transition from a for-profit to a non-profit.

There are many reasons people leave that have nothing to do with their manager. But, somehow, many managers take it as an insult when an employee leaves. I’ve observed managers share terrible, sometimes untrue, stories about once beloved employees. I’ve seen managers try to stop an employee who has left from getting another job. When their feelings are hurt, it seems some managers will stop at nothing to get revenge.

It’s really unfortunate. In this thing called life, you never know who may be the more senior person later. Or, you never know when you may end up working together again. Or, you never know when you might need a reference from that person.

I know that it hurts when someone leaves. You depended on them, and they’re leaving a gap. You have to tell your boss that someone quit. You have to help do their work until you find someone new, if you are able to backfill their role. I get it. It feels bad. But, it’s not always personal.

If you are the manager, be the bigger person. Congratulate them. Take them to lunch to celebrate. Say the same kind words after they have left that you would have shared prior to them leaving. Starting a new chapter in their life doesn’t negate all of the great work they have done for you in the past. And, who knows, you may want to work together again in the future.

I hope these tips have helped you. Visit CopelandCoaching.com to find more tips to improve your job search. If I can be of assistance to you, don’t hesitate to reach out to me here.

Happy hunting!

Angela Copeland
@CopelandCoach